#42

first day as a filipina hustla

the past two days, i've experienced so much more than what i have in the past two weeks. first of all- OMG IM IN PHILIPPINES. i can't believe that im here right now and it boogles my mind how life can take all these crazy turns and in the end you begin to understand why certain things happened the way they did. never question God's plan for you because in the end, though it may seem like your life is as messed up as scrambled eggs, God can turn that situation around and make it into a wonderful omelette. making you enjoy something so rewarding that was only possible when you first experienced struggle or pain.

being here has opened my eyes to how much possibility lies ahead of our future. thats what travelling and culture does to your preception. it makes you realize how big this world really is. one day you can be hanging out in LA, getting your pan de sal on with mama and ate and the next week you can riding in a jeepney down Makati with your dad. from philippines to la one fact remains the same though, and thats the simple reassurance that wherever you go- God is the one constant that'll be with you. i keep on repeating that verse, "have no fear or anxiety for i am with you wherever you go" and i can't help but realize that from the sound of the rooster whose singing Good morning to me or the sounds of the waves of the harbor hitting against the rocks as I lay down looking at the sky outside mall of asia, i know that at every beautiful moment God is sending His reminders to me that "Today will be a beautiful day. Today is a day that I made for you, Elainne. So go on and enjoy it."



-when you put energy, persistance into your seoul, anything is possible-
first of all, i'll like to say congratulations to myself for being able to get to philippines without getting lost! independent mami to the fullest. haha! shoutout to my friend from LA who looked like Fabio and was nice enough to make sure i didn't get lost. he bought me a banana smoothie! it was delicious and he's my new buddy. we were talking about LA and somehow we got on the topic of how his friend is a camera set-man and he makes a whooping... $600/hr! WTF. but then he also told me that he had to work really hard to get that (obviously) considering he's 50 at this point. its really ridiculous how when you work something for long enough, how rewarding it can be. day in day, day out- one day you will reep what you sow. and if it be- the talented-ness of being a set director then so be it! ps- he has a yacht. pss- i want a yacht...


-mall of asia is the disneyworld of all malls in asia, apparently-
it is soooooooo beautiful. its next to the beach, there's fireworks at night, basically its disney magic left and right.


ps. this song is from erykah badu's "bag lady" track and i felt it was extremely relevant for my adventure. considering how i miss my family and friends like WHOA but at the same time in order for me to experience the fullest effect of my life in the philippines, i need to gradually let go of that feeling and come to accept that fact that i am here to grow individually as a person. and the only person holding me back from the potential i have is me. damn. sometimes i spit the truth so hard, i surprise myself. shiet.

pss. my dad left me. he's a meanie poop face! but its ok, because if he didn't leave me i wouldn't have the time to update my blog. haha

#41

letter to a beautiful gangster

Dear Elainne,

Whatsup beautiful gangsta, how ya doin? I want to encourage you right now that you can do, and be anything that you want to be. Giiiiiiiirl, don’t ever set boundaries for yourself because I know that YOU know that the sky’s the limit. First of all, I want to tell you that I’m am sooo proud of you for doing the best that you can do, sacrificing your summer to finish chem, not partying out ‘cause you know you got thangs to do. I commend you for that, and I know you have that go-getta spirit so don’t ever feel down! I know you’re overwhelmed right now and it feels like your being pulled in so many different directions as to what to do with your life. But please, please just be sure that whatever you do, you be the best at it! Promise meeeee! Ok?! Ok.

Well, with your hustler agenda, I just gotta say that I’m glad you took the time out to write what it is you want. You’re beginning to realize that if you want something, you have to carefully plan for that alright?! Alright. Smiley face. Right now, starting today- you are gonna go on a journey! I’ll call this journey: project dream to reality so I pray that you put your seatbelt on and are ready for your bright future ahead ‘cause shawty don’t play games. Forreals?! Oh you know I’m bout my biz-ness. Ok. Enough gangster-talk. Real talk. Real-gangster-talk.

Let’s go. From this moment on, I want you to do something every day, continually that will get you closer to having the life that you want. Whether it’s going to those intimidating dance workshops, taking that plane trip to Philippines, or looking up research to find out the steps it takes to making you want REAL- I want you to never stop. And do it. Day in, day out. And I’m only giving you this special project because I believe in you. I would never give you something I know you couldn’t handle.

And if for some reason, there’s some like- wall, up in your way. And all these other people are looking at that wall and turning around, I want YOU to be the one who find a way over that wall, through that wall, or dance through that wall, or Harry Potter magic that wall. Whatever you want. Just get it. And if your afraid, good. Because that’s when you know your really alive, and that’s when your living.

Shine on superstar,
Elainne 20 yr old

#40

the sunshine hit through the curtains that gently displayed a clear view of the city skyline. a million dreams burning through the streetposts. a cuddly puppy with the tag collar that spelled "Pogi." tossing and turning, not in anxiety, but in anticipation that today was gonna be the most beautiful day. because i knew that the burning passion in me wasn't stagnate, but rather lit into a flame.

and this is the kind of lifestyle i want.
so how do i get it?

many people talk about what they want. but when it comes to the action part, beyond the words, most people take a lil light vacation. i've experienced so much pain, letting go, and moving around that at this point- i really could care less. ok, im lying. i do care.

but im learning that the farther i want to go, the lighter i have to be in what i chose to hold onto. get rid of jealousy. i won't compare what i'm going through to someone who seems to have it so much easier. because what happened has happened. and what hasn't happened wasn't meant to be. as my boy, ne-yo so clearly said, "i wouldn't ask God any questions because i know He knows what He's doing."

today i made a list of things i want to accomplish. and i have the next 25 years of my life to get it.

i want to get my LVN.
i want to get my RN.
i want to study international studies.
i want to become a travel nurse.
i want to go school in New York.
i want to take photography classes.
i want to go to LA recording school.
i want to get a recording internship.
i want to travel to Africa.
i don't want to be held back.

and i want to love, sing, dance, smile, and laugh.
and live life.

i want my fire to burn. and while im doing all this, i want people to look at me and go "oh elainne? she da bomb!" thats the effect i want to have.

vacation time is over. because im ready for action.
take two.

#39

i don't think u can get any more game over than a beach wedding
[Am I right or am I right?]

Alright.
So one of my closest friends has gotten engaged?! Say what. Yeah, she's getting married to the game! Haha. Ok, no forreal. She's getting married. And.. noooo- she is not pregnant. And yes, she's twenty. And yes, she IS in love. Haha, but anyways, guess who she wants to be the wedding planner?! ...that's right, bitches! ME!

Now, normally anything I do must be game-over status. But with a wedding. Hot damn. The pressure is on. So I was thinking- just a lil freestyle ideas of what I wanted to be at this wedding. Which would be a beach wedding. I would want a red carpet aisle in the sand. During the reception, you know.. maybe a lil couple butterflies released as the sun sets in the background. The color of the butterflies would maybe be a pearlish-white, the same color as the bridesmaid's gown. And the cake- oh baby the cake! Would be Porto's red velvet cupcakes, each with the red rose petal on top.. And it would be under a canopy chilling in a layered-tier arrangement.

Oh damn.
Oh damn.
I was sharing some of my ideas with my one friend, and she loved my ideas so much she was practically melting... she even told me I was gonna be her wedding planner too! I was like, one at a time ladies. One at a time. I wouldn't consider being a wedding planner a career, you know? Because I mean- making magical moments is what I do on the daily! Jeez.

Don't act like you don't know.
But yes, game over much? I think so. Well, I think I'm gonna go read my stack of "best wedding" and "most beautiful" wedding books I got from the library because I like to be prepared and well-planned like that.

Holla. Get ready for magic.