#45

Learn to give yourself away
To live beyond your own world
And i can tell you
That point you do
Your life will begin to make a difference

Why is it during points of depression that I find inspiration? Maybe it's at those crucial growing points that I learn that we're all capable of strength beyond our knowledge. Once we face that difficulty, we know we have that resiliance in us because we've already proven ourselves.

It was raining hard Saturday and I didn't think much of it, other than the fact that it was hard to sleep what with the wind and raindrops hitting against the windows. I told my roommate that I couldn't sleep and she asked, "You're not used to rain?"

"No, not really. California doesn't really experience much rainy seasons," I said.
"The rain right now actually scares me right now.. Ano bayan?! Talaga!" Now this means i can't go home, I thought. Oh no.

So I stayed inside the condo and watched Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights with my roommates. It reminded me of how I need to find a Spanish boy so we can both dance seductively on the dance floor and then I went upstairs to eat. Mama Rez, Gracelle and I watched an awesome video of some korean girls singing! They were so cute, I wish I had a pocket version of them so whenever I'm sad, they could cheer me up with their lil dance moves and coordinated outfits.

I started wishing I was korean but then I remembered I didn't need to be 'cause I'm already talented so I went to bed, kindof upset that both Daddy and Shimmy forgot to pick me up. Hopefully it doesn't rain tommorow, I prayed. The next day it stopped for a bit.. until it began sprinkling again. I arrived back in Mandaluyong at our townhouse after Daddy picked me up, telling me how he'll be leaving me soon and I would be in Philippines by myself for December. I whimpered. When I went to my room, I noticed the roof had started leaking and my bed was wet. Oh-no-you-didn't.

So I decided that I could finally call Ate and wish her a happy birthday! But lo and behold- the electricity was out! Bitches n hoes! My bed, my electricity. What's REALLY going on?! About four painful hours later the electricity went on..I jumped for joy. I also heard the neighbors shout too... and a lil boy shout also. So adorable.

Finally, I was able to go online. I did my usual run-down of responding to my fans on fb but when I logged onto twitter, I noticed Philippines was a trending topic. Mind you- trending topics are what the most popular subjects in people's "tweets" (statuses for you n00bs), so I was pleasantly surprised. How could Philippines be a TT?! Then I read about the Typhoon! I had no idea it was THAT huge, I mean.. I've noticed flooding in Philippines before, and I know people sometimes ride on boats in the streets when it gets extreme.. but when I learned that the amount of rain that dropped in the typhoon exceeded the amount of water in Hurricane Katrina I couldn't believe it. IT'S THAT SERIOUS. And here I was in my own world, too busy thinking about not going home, my bed getting wet, and the electricity going out.. when just provinces away people were losing their homes beneath flooding of water. The typhoon in the Philippines was reaching an international level of importance. This BBC report giving personal accounts particularly painted a painful picture of the reality that was happening:

I spent the night with mothers weeping over their children and relatives trapped on rooftops by floodwaters. These people have been on the rooftops for 24 hours without food and water, lashed by wind and rain. The mothers were at work when the flooding happened and they got stranded with me, unable to go home. Strange how I could have internet access during the disaster to describe this experience on Facebook, while the government struggles with a scarcity of rescue equipment.
Ramil Digal Gulle, Cavite

After I read that, I felt so embarassed of myself, how selfish of me to be thinking about electricity and going home, when something like this was happening? Human beings are naturally like that though, all we care is about me me me. What am I going to do today? I better get what I want or else I'm not gonna be happy!

We live in an interconnected world though, and we have a responsibility to reach out, to rescue others, not only phsyically in the sense of the typhoons but in everything. How ridiculously beautiful this world would be if people woke up each morning determined to better the life of not themselves but of other people. That's the world I want to fight for.

It only takes one, just one.

And then one follows the other one
And then the other follows another one
Next thing you know you got a
b i l l i o n
People are doing some wonderful things
People are doing some powerful things
Let's change.


UnityCouldBeAWonderfulThing

I chose to be one.
Will you? Help Philippines National Red Cross help others.

#44

i love philippines. i love america.


which is why i want to have dual citizenship! and also the fact that i have bragging rights in addition to the fact that i will be feeling so angelina jolie-international. i miss my mama soooooooooooo much! my goodness. i was thinking what it would be like to go back to america but in all honestly as Ate so eloquently puts it, i went from being a "bored mothapucka to living the good life." i mean.. mango ice cream, cousins & family, and building a foundation for my future. really, i am living the good life.

i always wondered what it was like to have a kindof lifestyle where everyday is an adventure. and now that i have it, its crazy.

classes are fun! what? FUN! i know right?! i learn so many interesting things. i honestly think nurses are the superwomen of the hospitals. in anatomy we were talking about how if someone's temperature is higher than regular, hyperthermia, that their at risk for having seizures and how when you access that you need to take preventive measures from having that happen like putting a hotpack on them and giving then a TSB, a tepid sponge bath (i didn't know there was an abbreviation for that) to lower their temperature.

and our pediatrician friend from the states treated us out to lunch and it was sobrang masaya, with everyone eating rice and ulam and taking pictures. i almost couldn't believe it. and then i saw some people who had these pink peacoat jackets over their white nursing uniforms and i told my friend how "kala nila their all that" as if it was some sort of rivalry thing going on. TFC-status yo. im not gonna lie, tho. i want that pink peacoat. hahaha.

there is this hilarious paperboy that works in the office whose tagalog is sobrang galang but his english is horrible. he is quite a character. i was going into class and he said "class is upstairs." and his friend goes "wow. na labas nu english mo." hahaha. how cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. as if i don't understand tagalog. the way he tries to talk in english is so funny! probabley equally as hilarious as how i try to speak tagalog. maybe thats why i emphathize with him. hahaha. i was going up to the condo and he goes, "up going?" and i realized he asked if i was going up. hahaha!

omg and also my friend mlou was saying how she wants to go on Hole In The Wall, a tagalog game show. and i said: "oh deng. don't tease me like that" (how do you say that in tagalog?" and she said "nooo. you. me. and fobbi (thats the name of the hilarious paperboy)" and i was like !!!!!!!!!!!hahaha. if i were to go on a filipino game show... that would be crazyinsane! i would pwn that! you and i both know it.

i'd like to share with you some words i think should belong in every international hustler's dictionary:

persevere. opportunity. sacrifice.

Sometimes God gives you opportunities and its up to you if to make the most of it. In order to learn you need to be receptive to whats going on around you and enjoy the power of the present.

Don't ever give up, no matter how hard or difficult or thick that coursebook is, you need to learn to persevere in order to get what you want. and believe me, it will be worth it. you have to be willing to let go and sacrifice certain things (hot water i miss you) in order to get a grasp on the new things coming at you full force.

put your seatbelt on girl, cuz we're going places.

#43

first day of school in philippines: vaginas and manila skylines

"hello sir. ma'am." i heard the tricycle beeping and the jeepneys engines hustle down its way Makati City as i closed the door on my way in, along with the familiarity and comfortable-ness i've been living back home in the states. it was gone. i couldn't help to think of the english phrases that i so simply took forgranted. what's even more fustrating for me is being funny in tagalog. i mean.. sure i got jokes in english, but would my funniness translate in tagalog?

i was welcomed into "batch 17"- a simple collection of six filipinos willing to dedicate 40-so hours each week to become a LVN. how did i get here again? it all happened so fast, and now that im here faced with the books in front of me, i'm wondering if i have the dedication to actually do what it takes? i don't like questioning myself! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

all alone and nothing to comfort me except... omg. i have nothing to comfort me!!! except daddy, who is hilarious and um. ube ensaymada! its ok. i believe in myself and that's all that really matters. sometimes im surprised at how motivated i am to get what i want, its almost frightening. like you know- when you have something in your mind so ingrained, that you don't take no for an answer? sometimes i think that im just taking NO.

i don't want that.
ok, i understand that i don't get my tagalog on as comfortabley as others, but what do you call practice?! hmm? you can't expect to learn if you don't even try. and don't even try actually, because to say your "trying" is to have the intention of failing, and i don't plan to fail anything. i plan to succeed. i see success. say you'll do it and you will.
im not gonna lie to you, this whole "studying" thing is distracting me from my other goal of finding my husband here. i mean.. hello! ateneo basketball player that was the plan! "oh my boyfriend? yeah.. he's a balla! literally." I. WANT. THAT. but i guess it isn't written yet, what will happen, will happen. never question God's plan for you.

today's lesson we learned about how the vagina operates when a baby's head pops out. there was a demonstation done in which "ma'am" placed her two forefingers in the vagina of this dummy.. with a babydoll as a demonstation of how it comes out (transverse, lateral, and other anatomy phrases i need to re-learn). she kept on referring to how we would handle the delivery and i kept on thinking, "omg! my fingers gonna go in a vagina looking for a baby's foot?! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! i mean.. yayyyyyyyyyyyyy." i don't know how to take that, im both excited and yet grossed out.

afterways, i made friends with my new "study buddy," she seems timid and scholarly, or maybe that's our language barrier getting in the way.. anyways, after i proclaimed her as my "study buddy" i went over to her dorm area and lemme just say "oh dahnggggg giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl. u livin the good life." as soon as i climbed up the stairs i knew this was some VIP residential i was going into. there was a maid who was cleaning the doors as we walked in, complete with posh white leather couches lined in silver buttons as the television blared some annoying telenovela. i looked to the left where there should of been a wall, but instead was a clear glass wall (window?) that showed the Makati skyline below. i looked down at the streets of cars roaming through the city as the pedestrians walked with a sort of fast-paced hustle that could've matched New Yorkers and the skyscrapers lined the manila sunset.

i talked to the advisor who was there too, Rezza (who was my favorite of them all cause she's so nice :).. see how nice she is? she just got the smiley face!) and she showed me the room i would be staying at... all i can say is. Keyshia be feeling and living like a celebrity. im so overwhelmed! but i think i like it.